英语高手们帮帮改一下 急！！！！！！！

Question

这是我的自我介绍，看看有没有语病，thanks……帮忙改一下吧
Hello, every one. I am a student in Wen Hai Middle School. My name is VV, and you also call me Mandy. I am not a clever girl, so I can’t speak English very well. At school, my favorite subject is Math. Many people thank it’s too difficult, bat I don’t thank so, I think it’s so easy and interesting.
I like dolphins very much, because they are very clever. And I like bees too, because they are very selfless. So I’d want to be a Candidate, I’d like to present a copy of my power to all purpose.
The Olympic Games it’s held in Beijing, it’s Chinese’s dream, on August 8th in 2008, it was achieved at last.
“One world, One dream.” We hold and close congenital dream, it sails to the Olympic Games.

Answer 1

Hello, every one. I am a student in Wen Hai Middle School. My name is VV, and you (加can) also call me Mandy. I am not a clever girl, so I can’t speak English very well. At school, my favorite subject is Math. Many people thank改为(think) it’s too difficult, bat(改为but) I don’t thank(改为think) so,(.) I think it’s so(改为very) easy and interesting.(建议重复用同一个词，可以换成其他词语)
I like dolphins very much, because they are very clever. And I like bees too, because they are very selfless. So I’d want to be a Candidate, I’d like to present a copy of my power to all purpose.

The (2008) Olympic Games it’s(will be) held in Beijing, it’s Chinese’s dream, on August 8th in 2008(删了) it was achieved at last.

“One world, One dream.” We hold and close congenital dream, it sails to the Olympic Games.

后面三段我不太清楚你要表达的意思，能不能说清楚点？我会帮你改好

Answer 2

1.every one改为 everyone
2.and you also call me Mandy.you后面加can,你也可以叫我Mandy.
3.Many people thank it’s too difficult.thank改为think
4.bat I don’t thank so.bat改为but
5.So I’d want to be a Candidate.I'd want to改为I want to或I'd like to
6.I’d like to present a copy of my power to all purpose.
purpose加s,to改为for.为了所有的目的.
7.The Olympic Games it’s held in Beijing,
中国的奥运会只有一场,所以这里Game去掉s,而且奥运还没开始,所以应该说will be held in Beijing.
8.it’s Chinese’s dream, on August 8th in 2008, it was achieved at last. 梦想成真,dream come true.所以最后一句改为it comes true at last.
9.We hold and close congenital dream,不知道你这句话要表达什么意思.

Answer 3

you also call me Mandy.->you can also call me Mandy.

so I can’t speak English very well 这句不要用so(没那么明显的因果关系呀,学英语别泄气),用and.

bat I don’t thank so->but I don’t think so注意拼写.

So I’d want to be a Candidate->So I want to be a candidate. would like to do sth=want to do sth.
没有would want to do.

I’d like to present a copy of my power to all purpose.(这句话意思很模糊,得重新思考)

The Olympic Games it’s held in Beijing 中it's->is.

it’s Chinese’s dream. it's后加the

it was achieved at last->we got the right to hold it at last

Answer 4

Hello, every one. I am a student in Wen Hai Middle School. My name is VVan hui, and you also call me "Mandy". I am not a clever girl, so I can’t speak English very well. At school, my favorite subject is Maths. Many people thank it’s too.difficult, bat I don’t thank so, I think it’s so easy and interesting.
I like dolphins very much, because they are very clever. And I like bees too, because they are very selfless. So I’d want to be a Candidate, I’d like to present a copy of my power to all purpose.
The Olympic Games it’s held in Beijing, it’s Chinese’s dream, on August 8th in 2008, it was achieved at last.
“One world, One dream.” We hold and close congenital dream, it sails to the Olympic Games.

Maths 要有"s" 句点本回答被提问者采纳

Answer 5

Many people thank 改为 Many people think
bat I don’t thank so 改为 but I don’t think so

So I’d want to be a Candidate 改为So I want to be a Candidate（不必那么费事和委婉）

The Olympic Games it’s held改为 The Olympic Games will hold(不能用被动语态 奥运会还没举行）

怎么样，还行吧？自己再看看！