通俗易懂短的英语笑话 有翻译

Question

通俗易懂短的英语笑话 有翻译

Answer 1

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
呵呵,一个比一个效率高.

Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!
拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"

My Baby Swallowed a Bullet

Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ?

Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody."

Notes
1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹
2. to point at: 对...瞄准

allybaby
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"

两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”

Answer 2

你好,我来为你解答:
Feel Unhappy.心里难受

Son: Is it wrong to give anyone mental or physical hurt when he felt unhappy?

Father: Of cause, it is.

Son: Fine, now I am feeling so bad. I lost in two subjects this time.

Father(angrily): What? You------

儿子：是不是当心里难受时，就不应该再给他精神或肉体上的刺激？

父亲：那当然！

儿子：那好，这次我有两门功课不及格，我现在心里很难受。

父亲(气愤地)：什么？你……

It’s not that. 不是那样的。

A: I saw seven girls share one umbrella and none of them got wet.

B: Oh, that must be a very big umbrella.

A: No, it wasn’t raining.

A：我看见7个女孩共撑一把伞却没有一个被淋湿。

B：啊？那一定是把很大的伞吧！

A：不是，当时并没有下雨。

Compare other things？比一下其他？

Son: Mom, John has a pair of shoes with Gordon’s name signed.

Mom: You just care about this? Haven’t you compared other things?

Son: Yes, his mother is prettier than you.

儿子：妈妈，John有双乔丹签名的球鞋。

妈妈：你只关心这个吗？不会比一下其它东西？

儿子：有啊，他妈妈比你漂亮。

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,

Answer 3

After Keating had learnt the fine art training course conducted by the Children's Palace for two years,he draw a portrait by the fauvism for his father as his birthday gift.Looking at his　own　"portrait painting" , his father felt a pang of pain, saying:"You'd better add the to it and convert it into a gorilla."
在季慈在少年宫学习了2年的绘画培训之后，他给父亲画了一副野兽派的自画像作为生日礼物。 看着这副
野兽派的自画像，他的父亲感到一阵痛楚，你最好给它加个东西，将它改类为黑猩猩

Why is he crying? 他为什么哭泣？
　　“Tom, what’s the matter with your brother?” asked the mother in the kitchen. “He’s crying.”
　　“Oh, nothing, Mum” replied Tom. “I’m eating my cake. He is crying because I won’t give him any.”
　　“But has he finished his own cake?”
　　“Yes.” said Tom. “And he also cried when I was helping him finish that.”
　　“汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？”在厨房的妈妈问道。“他怎么在哭啊？”
　　“哦，没事儿，妈妈。”汤姆回答道。“我在吃我的蛋糕。因为我不给他，他就哭了。”
　　“那他吃完了自己那块了？”
　　“是的。”汤姆说。“我帮他吃蛋糕的时候就哭了。”

Are They Worn Out?
"No," growled the quartermaster, "you can't have a new pair of shoes. The pair you have aren't worn out."
"Not worn out," cried the recruit, " Why, if I step on a dime I can feel if it's head or tails."
还没穿破？
“不行，”军需官大声说：“你不能领一双新鞋子，你穿着的那双还没有穿破。”
“没穿破，”新兵叫道：“为什么？如果我踩到一个一角硬币，我可以知道踩着的那面是公还是字。”
2.Sunset
Father: This is the sunset my daughter painted. She studied painting abroad, you know.
Friend: Ah, that accounts for it! I never saw a sunset like that in this country.
日落
父亲：这幅《日落》是我女儿画的，你知道，她曾在国外学过画画。
朋友：啊，怪不得！我在本国还从来没有见过这样的日落。
3.A Great Man
Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?
Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.
一名伟人
老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？
学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。
4.Where is the father?
　　　 Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父亲在哪儿？
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”

Answer 4

你好，希望采纳！
1.——Do you know what is the longest word in the English language?
——“Smiles” ,because there is a mile between its frist and last letter.
——英语中最长的单词是什么，你知道吗？
——是“微笑”，因为英文中的“微笑”的头一个字母到最后一个字母结束，要有一英里长。
2.A man ask for a meal in a restaurant.the waiter brought the food and put it on the table.After a moment , the man called the waiter and said:" Waiter! Waiter!There is a fly in my soup!"
"Please don't speak so loudly,sir",said the waiter," or everyone will want one."
一个男子在饭店吃饭，服务员把食物端上了桌子，不久，男子就叫服务员说：“服务员！服务员！我的汤里有一只苍蝇！”“请不要叫得那么大声”服务员说：“不然每个人都想要一只了！”

Answer 5

创造性 Creative
Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications. Asked about additional schooling 7天笑话haPpy-7.cn
and training, I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in computer programming classes. I got the job.
I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I passed.

第一次求职时，我意识到在列举我所具备的为数不多的条件时，得有点创造性。当问及我是否受过其它的培训时，我老实地回答说我花了三年时
间学计算机程序设计课。我得到了那份工作。
我没有提到那门功课我重复学了三年才考及格。
你是怎样来的？

One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every 7天笑话haPpy-7.cn
step I took ahead, I slipped back two."
The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"
"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."

一个冬天的早晨，一名雇员解释他为什么迟到了四十五分钟才起来上班。“外面太滑了，我每向前迈一步，就要向后退两步。”
老板狐疑地看着他。“噢，是吗？那你是怎样到这里来的？”
“后来我决定放弃，”他说，“然后我就往家里走。”本回答被网友采纳