English
Five Hundred Times
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."
“I work for 7up!” 我可是在七喜公司工作呀！
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
Five Fantastic Mascots
Five Olympic mascots were unveiled exatly 1000 days before the Beiling Olympic opening ceremony . The long--anticipated mascots feature four of China's most popular animals--the fish,the panda,the Tibrtan antelope and the swallow .The fifth mascot is the brightly burning Olympic flame.
Each of the mascots has a repeated two-syllable name. This type of name is a traditional way of showing affection for children in China.BeiBei is the fish,JingJing is the panda , HuanHuan is the Olympic flame,YingYing is the Tibetan antelope and NiNi is the swallow.When their names are put together---they say "Welcome to Beijing".
The five elements of nature,including the sea,forest,fire,earth and sky are found in the mascot's origins and headpieces. These special headpieces also display the uniqur folk and culture of China. Each mascot also symbolizes a different blessing ---prosperity,happiness,passion,health and good luck.
It is the first time more than three mascots will share the important duty of representing their host country .Han Meilin,chief of the mascot design team explained that ,"China has such a profound and diversified culture that no single mascot could possibly represent it !That is why we chose to produce five mascots instesd of one
翻译：
精彩绝伦五福娃
正值北京奥运会开幕式前整整一千天之际，五个奥运会吉祥物揭开了神秘的面纱。人们翘首以待的奥运吉祥物代表了中国最受欢觃的四种动物——鱼、熊猫、藏羚羊及燕子。第五个吉祥物是熊熊燃烧的奥运圣火。
每个吉祥物都有一个叠音名字。在中国，叠音名字是对孩子们表示喜爱的一种传统方式。贝贝代表鱼，晶晶代表熊猫，欢欢代表奥运圣火，迎迎代表藏羚羊，而妮妮代表燕子。把他们的名字放在一起就是“北京欢迎您！”
吉祥物的訽形及头饰充分体现了包括大海、蒧林、火、大地及天空在内的大自然的五大元素。这些特别的头饰也充分展示了中国的民间艺术及传统文化。每一个吉祥物也代表着不同的祝福——繁荣、欢乐、激情、健康和好运。
这是第一次有三个以上的吉祥物共同承担代表东道国的重任。吉祥物设计组组长韩美林解释说：“中国有如此博大精深的文化，不是一个吉祥物就能完全展示出来的。所以我们选择设计出五个而不是一个的吉祥物。
Keep Your Direction
What would you do if you failed? Many people may choose to give up. However, the surest way to success is to keep your
direction and stick to your goal. On your way to success, you must keep your direction. It is just like a lamp, guiding you in darkness and helping you overcome obstacles on your way. Otherwise, you will easily get lost or hesitate to go ahead.
Direction means objectives. You can get nowhere without an objective in life.
You can try to write your objective on paper and make some plans to achieve it. In this way, you will know how to arrange your time and to spend your time properly. And you should also have a belief that you are sure to succeed as long as you keep your direction all the time.
翻译：
坚持你的方向
如果失败了你会怎么做？很多人可能会选择放弃。然而，要想成功，最可靠的方法就是坚持你的方向和目标。
在通往成功的路上，你必须坚持你的方向。它就像一盏灯，在黑暗中为你指路，帮助你度过难关。否则，你很容易就会迷失方向或犹豫不前。
方向意味着目标。人生如果没有目标，将一事无成。
你可以试着把你的目标写在纸上，并制定实现目标的计划。这样，你就会懂得如何合理安排时间，如何正确地支配时间。而且你还要有这样的信念：只要你一直坚持自己的方向，你就一定可以成功。
Professor Godwin,feeling unwell,wrote on his bedroom door this notice:"The professor will be unable to meet his classes this evening." A student rubbed out a letter and made it,"The professor will be unable to meet his lasses this evening." Godwin,perceiving this, turned the tables by striking off the next letter, and making the notice read;" The professor will be unable to meet his asses this evening.
译文：戈德温博士感到不舒服，于是写了张便条贴在卧室门上：“晚上博士不能来上课了。”一学生看后将一字母擦去，意思就变成了：“晚上博士不能来见他的情人们了。”戈德温博士看后，心生一计，又擦掉一个字母，最后便条的内容就成了“晚上博士不能来见他的蠢驴们了。”
（注：class班级；lass情人；ass蠢驴）
There is a legend about a bird which sings just once in its life, more sweetly than any other creature on the face of the earth. From the moment it leaves the nest it searches for a thorn tree, and does not rest until it has found one. Then, singing among the savage branches, it impales itself upon the longest, sharpest spine. And, dying, it rises above its own agony to outcarol the lark and the nightingale. One superlative song, existence the price. But the whole world stills to listen, and God in His heaven smiles. For the best is only bought at the cost of great pain….
有一个传说，说的是有那么一只鸟儿，它一生只唱一次，那歌声比世上所有一切生灵的歌声都更加优美动听。从离开巢窝的那一刻起，它就在寻找着荆棘树，直到如愿以偿，才歇息下来。然后，它把自己的身体扎进最长，最尖的荆棘上，便在那荒蛮的枝条之间放开了歌喉。在奄奄一息的时刻，它超脱了自身的痛苦，而那歌声竟然使云雀和夜莺都黯然失色。这是一曲无比美好的歌，曲终而命竭。然而，整个世界都在静静地谛听着，上帝也在苍穹中微笑。因为最美好的东西只能用最深痛的巨创来换取……
Wait a Minute
Tom: My grand God, what does a millennium mean to you?
God: It only means a minute.
Tom: My omnipotent god, what do 10,000 golden coins mean to you?
God: Just a small coin.
Tom: My humane god, please give me a small coin.
God: Ok, poor man, please wait a minute.
等一分钟
汤姆：我伟大的上帝，一千年对你来说，意味着什么？
上帝：它只意味着一分钟。
汤姆：我万能的上帝，一万枚金币对你来说，意味着什么？
上帝：它只意味着一枚小硬币。
汤姆：我仁慈的上帝，那就请给我一枚小硬币吧！
上帝：好吧，可怜的人，请等一分钟吧。
The Mean Man's Party
吝啬鬼的聚会
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“天哪！” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧？”
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