关于讽刺的英语故事

给我五篇比较短但是是很经典的讽刺系列的英语故事 今天中午12点15分之前要 麻烦了~

一、
w.bush: doctor, what is wrong with my brain?

doctor: your brain is perfectly ok.

w.bush: how come?

doctor: you are the same as everybody else, having right brain and life brain.

w.bush: and?

doctor: but yours is even far bether than all the others.

w.bush: oh?

doctor: yes, sir, everybody’s brain is not seperated so perfect. but yours is an exception.

w.bush: tell me how could it be an exception, not because I am the head of USA. I hope.

doctor: sir, your brain is really seperated completely, there is nothing right in your left brain, and there is nothing left in your right brain.

布什和医生的笑话。
注意下最后一句。是一语双关

二、

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了
汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?
约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?
约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

三、

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

四、

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生。”那小男孩说。

五、

Logic Reasoning

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

逻辑推理

小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子:“有这样一种情况,一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会游泳,所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么?” 一个女生举手答道,“是不是去取他的存款?”

[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外,还有“河岸”的意思。

六、(纯属娱乐)
英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的
一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.
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第1个回答  推荐于2016-11-22
Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Papa Bear,Mama Bear,and Baby Bear lived in the forest.
“Ring,”went the telephone.”Come to my house for lunch,”
said Auntie Bear.
“Yes,we will come,”said Mama Bear.
She set out bowls of stew to cool for supper.
Then,the Bears went to Auntie Bear’s house.
A little girl named Goldilocks lived in the village.
She discovered the Bears’ house and went inside
Without asking.She sat in a chair.
“This chair is too hard!”she complained.
The next chair was smaller,but too soft.
The third chair was just right.
She sat down with a flop,and the chair legs gave way.
Goldilocks saw the three bowls of stew.
The big bowl was much too hot!
“Maybe this bowl will be cooler,”she said.
Goldilocks was right,but it was too cold.
She grabbed the third bowl and gobbled it down.
It was just right.
Then with a yawn,she headed upstairs to the bedroom.
Goldilocks tried the first bed,but it was too hard.
The next was too soft.
Goldilocks sighed and fell asleep as she was
lying in the third bed.
When the Bears arrived home,Papa Bear shouted,
“Somebody’s been sitting on my chair!”Mama Bear cried,
“Somebody’s been sitting on my chair!”Then Baby Bear cried,
“Somebody’s been sitting on my chair and now it’s all broken!”
In the kitchen,Papa Bear looked into his bowl of stew.He said,
“Somebody’s been eating my stew!”Mama Bear cried,
“Somebody’s been eating my stew!”Baby Bear cried,
“Somebody’s been eating my stew,and they ate it all up!”
The three bears growled as they climbed the bedroom stairs.
Papa Bear growled,”Somebody’s been sleeping in my bed!”
Mama Bear growled,”Somebody’s been sleeping in my bed!”
Baby Bear cried,”Somebody’s been sleeping in my bed,
and there she is!”
Goldilocks woke up and wanted to run away,
but no one could move.They all froze in their tracks.
“Please,forgive me,”Goldilocks cried.
The Bears forgave her.
Goldilocks quit sneaking into people’s homes.
第2个回答  2013-09-09
Reflections Of The Age In Literature

More than in art, neoclassicism in literature came closer to voicing the

eighteenth century's fascination with reason and scientific law. Indeed, the

verbal media of poetry, drama, prose, and exposition were commonly used to

convey the new philosophic principles.

A typical poetic voice of the Age of Reason in England was Alexander Pope

(1688-1744). In his most famous work, An Essay on Man (1733), Pope expressed

the optimism and respect for reason that marked the era. He described a

Newtonian universe in the following often quoted lines:

All are but parts of one stupendous whole,

Whose body nature is, and God the soul ...

All nature is but art, unknown to thee;

All chance, direction, which thou cannot see.

All discord, harmony not understood;

All partial evil, universal good

And, spite of pride, in erring reason's spite,

One truth is clear: Whatever is, is right. ^5

[Footnote 5: Quoted in G. K. Anderson and W. E. Buckler, eds., The Literature

of England, 2 vols. (Glenview, IL: Scott, Foresman, 1958), vol. 1, p. 1568.]

Two other poetic voices deserve mention here. One belonged to the English

Countess of Winchelsea (1661-1720), who extolled reason and feminine equality

in her verse. The other was that of a Massachusetts slave girl, Phyllis

Wheatley (1753-1784), whose rhyming couplets, in the style of Pope, pleaded

the cause of freedom for the American colonies and for her race.

Reflecting the common disdain for irrational customs and outworn

institutions were such masterpieces of satire as Candide (1759), by the French

man of letters, Francois-Marie Arouet, better known as Voltaire (1694-1778).

Another famous satirist, England's Jonathan Swift (1667-1745), ridiculed the

pettiness of human concerns in Gulliver's Travels (1726), wherein Captain

Gulliver, in visiting the fictitious land of Lilliput, found two opposing

factions: the Big-endians, who passionately advocated opening eggs at the big

end, and the Little-endians, who vehemently proposed an opposite procedure.

The novel became a major literary vehicle in this period. It caught on

first in France during the preceding century and was then popularized in

England. Robinson Crusoe (1719), by Daniel Defoe (1659-1731), is often called

the first modern English novel. The straight prose of the novel satisfied a

prevailing demand for clarity and simplicity; but the tendency in this period

to focus on middle-class values, heroic struggle, and sentimental love

foreshadowed the coming romantic movement. Writing along these lines Samuel

Richardson (1689-1761) produced Pamela (1740-1741), the story of a virtuous

servant-girl, and Henry Fielding (1707-1754) wrote the equally famous Tom

Jones (1749), the rollicking tale of a young man's deep pleasures and

superficial regrets. Each novel, in its own way, defined a natural human

morality.

In both France and England women found a uniquely promising outlet for

their long-ignored talents in the romantic novel, with its accent on personal

feminine concerns and domestic problems. Two among the multitude of able

French women novelists were Madame de Graffigny (1695-1758), whose Lettres

D'Une Peruvienne (1730) became a best-seller, and Madame de Tencin

(1682-1749), who wrote The Siege of Calais, a historical novel of love and

danger. In England, Fanny Burney (1753-1840) was universally acclaimed after

publication of her first novel, Eveline (1778), about "a young lady's entrance

into the world." Aphra Behn (1640-1689) was an early playwright whose novel,

Oroonoko (1688), was a plea for the natural person, long before the works of

Defoe and Rousseau.
第3个回答  2013-09-09